Julian Clary: Position Vacant, Apply Within at O2 Shepherd's Bush Empire

Julian Clary's latest stand-up show, in which he is looking for love - and he’s not leaving town empty-handed. He’s promised to leave no straight unturned. 'Because I’m still considered to be quite a catch, and because your town is noted for its heterosexuals on the cusp, there’s bound to be stiff competition,' says the master of camp. 'Therefore I’ll be hosting ruthless elimination games. You can be sure of one thing, by the end of the evening, we’ll all be celebrating my new partnership.' A glass of Blue Nun may be available to those who make an effort, or anyone named Jason. But hopeful punters should please bring their own confetti.